Wretched Days

Today was just one of those day were literally everything got under my skin. I felt as though I was under my breaking point all day, that maybe i would explode with tears at any minute. Everything was building up, Everything was tearing me down, and all i wanted to do was sit in my room, light a candle and cry. Dance, which used to be my biggest get away, my biggest motivator, has taken a tole for the worst, almost becoming my worst enemy. I find my happiness quielty surrendering whenever i enter the doors of my studio. Just like the good feelings slowly drift away, I always try to add comic relief to the ever stressful life at dance because simply i enjoy having a good time. Usually that comic relief is taken as annoying and immature. But lets face it, im almost seventeen im not mature at all. and all i wanna do is have a little fun. So please shoot me, bury my head in the sand , and shun me for it, because if you cant have a good time then i dont want your negativity bringing me down anyways. I constantly feel out of the loop at dance, the awkward one or the one who doesnt have a friend. While im sure most of the other girls dont see it that way, i always feel so out of place. Which is unlike me to not be confident in every situation. Why in dance do i feel like the joke is always on me? im sick of the drama and the wy people treat each other, i just want to be apart of the fun,...obvioulsy to much to ask.

And then there is still him, he lately has been seeming to bring me down. I know he is stressed out from his sport and all. But im still not getting that reasurance i would have hoped for. Probably even less than the last time. I feel like a needy and whining girl, but if it comes to the fact that we dont talk unless i text you first, we have a problem. I really like him, but im not that strong. and im not so sure how much more of this "put on the back burner" i can really take.