First Time For Everything!

So heres the scoop.
I think i went on my first date. I say "i think" because im not sure if you could really call it that, or even if thats what it was meant to be. Anyways, there is this guy i have known for quite a while now, and he is one of my friends friends. Everyone seems to be so convinced that he likes me, and ill admit we can tend to be quite flirtly around each other ontop of talking every day . The conversation between us never really hinted that we was into me however, so i just kinda figured the flirtyness was all for fun. Until Tuesday night, it was one of my friends last night in town and we were all together just hanging out. But he held me hand, something he had never done before. And when i got home that evening, almost like clock work the flirty texts began.

Unsure of how to act i took my friends advice and asked him to hang out just to see how it would go. He seemed to be very into the idea. Does going to the movies count as a date? I feel like such a noob. Anyways we went to the movie Transformers. A movie series im actually really into. He didnt pay for my ticket and i didnt want any popcorn.. so maybe it wasnt a date? hmm..

You can just say that i was shocked because the conversation wasnt awkward even though we had never been alone before, and we actually had fun.

Can i just say two words about him though : talanted hand holder. ( IS That three words? whatever)
This boy had skills when it came to hand holding. he grabbed my hand right when the movie started and he would slowly caress my hand and would tickle my palm and intertwine our fingers . It was actually really cute. Who knew that simply holding a hand could be so thrilling. We kinda teased each other by seeings whose palm we could make tickle first . The part that really suprised me was that we started rubbing his hand on my thigh and actually got pretty close to a small feel up in the movie theater. like whatttt? now dont go thinking it was anything innapropriate cause it wasnt but he made me jump a few times. and thought that was hilarious.. cute huh? At one point during the movie he even pulled a corny trick to put him arm around me and i guess you could say we kinda cuddled, so by now your probably wondering why were not dating by now or why i havent mentioned if im into him.

Heres the conclusion i came to after the movie was through. While we obviously had chemistry phsysically im not sure he is the type of boy i could date. Simply because conversation is never all that intresting and i dont find myself constantly checking my phone or worrying that he texted me, i dont find myself constantly thinking about him like i have done with previous boyfriends. So while the " date" was fun i think for now im gunna remain single and maybe date around. But hey, who says that there cant be a second? maybe my opinion of him will change.. next time im thinking some thing where talking has to be involved. Yea...

hahahah oh this movie is perfect

Still Searching
<3 Michelle

About these feelings?

So Basically..
I have this best friend, he is a boy , he is also like my little brother. We are strictly best friends no if ands or buts about it. Thats always how it was atleast, except for lately we have both been having these "feelings" for each other, i guess you could call them strange temptations, to kiss each other. But before i get carried away with blabing on about the weirdness i guess i should start from the begining.

When i first met him, he had a crush on me, but thats not the important part because eventually feelings faded. but just recently he moved away and that was really hard for my circle of friends and we all took it pretty hard. but especially me just because of how close we were literally the kid knows everything about me. He also just came back for a visit for my friends birthday, we suprised her and it was really fun. But that night he spent the night at my house, and we were really close on the couch.. and i guess that when it all happened.

Well actually , nothing happened but we both admitted later that there was a wish that something had. its weird strange and unusual for me simply because i have never thought of him as more then a friend,
I have decided that the only reason feelings like that ever happened is just from the pain of missing him and the fact that we were just so close, and under those circumstances feelings like that could have errupted with anyone.

But if thats true tell me why i think about him more, and why it was even harder to say goodbye then before. and why the curiosity of being with him is still there. Maybe im just in need of some boy drama, talk about confusion...

<3 Michelle

The Big Green Monster

So I guess you could say im the jealous type. I have found however that I am not that jealous in relationships simply because I know how I feel when my guy friends have super over protected girlfriends. TALK ABOUT ANNOYING.  Of course im the worst kinda of jealous I believe, im jealous of other peoples success. Whether that success be in style , dance, or even school. Most of all, relationships, I seems to me that deep down im insecure about my experiance with guys, or my lack of for that matter. One of my best friends has been in  a committed relationship for some time now, and its not that im not happy for her it just its seems to become harder and harder not to be bitter about her happiness with a guy when I struggle so much just to find a guy that keeps my intrest. I often play off my unsuccessfulness in relationships by saying that im just picky, or i get bored to easily. Which for me is partly true, but truley im looking for the same thing in a guy that she has in her relationship. When asked what I look for in a guy, I too often ramble off a list of qualities, which basically describes the "movie star boyfriend" which I have yet to believe exsists. However, to my bestfriend, her boyfriend is 'the perfect boyfriend"

To her, He is the one she can tell everything to, Talk to for hours and still not get bored, Not be embarassed about her lack of experiance, simply be happy being together, were not everything has to be planned, says all the right things but doesnt over do it , the perfect gentalmen but is just chill.

Now you may be thinking im into him, but that would be a false accusation its not him im jealous of. It the relationship they have.

On a bad day it can get to the point where even hearing about her talk about him drives me crazy, im her best friend why shouldnt she be able to tell me about him? She always listened when it was me with the boyfriend not her. So i play pretend,  i let her ramble, and act like having a wonderful boyfriend is no big deal. But i cant help but smirk when i hear he is being mean or that there fighting. I know that makes me sound bad.. but i cant fight this feeling.

and sometimes(worst of all).. i just miss having my best friend always arround. But thats selfish,ridiculous, and insecure.

Well world, your calling so its Time to be a big girl, ill brush it off, stand up straight, and continue to restle my big green monster.

<3 Little Michelle