So it was dance show week. My most favorite week of the semester. Full of high stress, tears from graduating seniors, and a perfect opportunity to bond with everyone. There he was though, that boy, and although i may still like him,the feelings i have for him had settled into a constant numbness. A feeling that i just excepted as being there, but knew nothing was going to happen and i would have to deal with the permanent loss of him .Ourfriendship was improving though, i was learning to tolerate more of him, and his flirtyness i learned to deal with as nothing more than a display of our friendship. After the first night of the dance show i get a text from his saying "LOVE YOU, Goodnight :)" nothing more nothing less. While i didnt think much of this and knew it was simply a kinda gesture or yet another symbolization of our friendship it still stung a bit. Thats all it took, one text message for certain memories of him to come flooding back to me. If that would have been all, i would have been fine, i would not be in such a hopeless and desperate place that i am now. But of course not. He couldnt just leave me could he? He had to push further, knowing his quant charm and adorable looks could suck me back in with
one.
long.
phonecall.
Friday night of the dance show, we were messing around like always just causal friend stuff and he looks at me. I mean really looks at me. And he says your so naive you know that right? I chased him down, begged him to tell me what that ment , but no matter what i said he wouldnt budge. Said he would text me that night to explain to me what was up. But i never got that text that night. Instead I got a call. A call to explain to me that im naive because i assume he doesnt miss me. Doesnt miss me as in the relationship we used to have. And that even though he loves that other girl, he still gets happy when he sees me, and he misses talking to me everyday. We talked for a little over an hour about his current relationship and how things used to be. He asked me the last time we had talked like this, told me he didnt have any intention of kissing her when he did, and even after he didnt want to date her, for the same reason he didnt want to date me.. distance. He told me He still thought i was pretty, which i immediatly told him not to tell me that, that it wasnt fair. While i never came out and said it, he knows i still have feelings for him, but i would never act on them because of my best friend. I could never wish upon her the pain that i feel everyday. And while there relationship is so much stronger than me and his ever was. I still am overprotective over her , and i worry that he will hurt her. Since we also talked about the faults in there relationship, such as there distance, and the need for her to control him. Im not going out to say they wont work out or that he doesnt have feelings for her its obvious that he does.. All im saying is that in that hour conversation i was reminded of all of the old times and the worst part of all, when we hung up i felt like i was loosing him all over again. That pain and those feelings came right back full force. and so now here i am hanging on to something thats not even there. and while i know that phone call may have ment nothing to him, it gave me hope for something created by my imagination.
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| Why’d you call me today with nothing new to say? You pretend it’s just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone. Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me? Are you tryin’ to bring back the tears or just the memories? You keep takin’ me back, takin’ me back where I’ve already been. When we hang up it’s almost like I’m losing you again. |
