The Big Green Monster

So I guess you could say im the jealous type. I have found however that I am not that jealous in relationships simply because I know how I feel when my guy friends have super over protected girlfriends. TALK ABOUT ANNOYING.  Of course im the worst kinda of jealous I believe, im jealous of other peoples success. Whether that success be in style , dance, or even school. Most of all, relationships, I seems to me that deep down im insecure about my experiance with guys, or my lack of for that matter. One of my best friends has been in  a committed relationship for some time now, and its not that im not happy for her it just its seems to become harder and harder not to be bitter about her happiness with a guy when I struggle so much just to find a guy that keeps my intrest. I often play off my unsuccessfulness in relationships by saying that im just picky, or i get bored to easily. Which for me is partly true, but truley im looking for the same thing in a guy that she has in her relationship. When asked what I look for in a guy, I too often ramble off a list of qualities, which basically describes the "movie star boyfriend" which I have yet to believe exsists. However, to my bestfriend, her boyfriend is 'the perfect boyfriend"

To her, He is the one she can tell everything to, Talk to for hours and still not get bored, Not be embarassed about her lack of experiance, simply be happy being together, were not everything has to be planned, says all the right things but doesnt over do it , the perfect gentalmen but is just chill.

Now you may be thinking im into him, but that would be a false accusation its not him im jealous of. It the relationship they have.

On a bad day it can get to the point where even hearing about her talk about him drives me crazy, im her best friend why shouldnt she be able to tell me about him? She always listened when it was me with the boyfriend not her. So i play pretend,  i let her ramble, and act like having a wonderful boyfriend is no big deal. But i cant help but smirk when i hear he is being mean or that there fighting. I know that makes me sound bad.. but i cant fight this feeling.

and sometimes(worst of all).. i just miss having my best friend always arround. But thats selfish,ridiculous, and insecure.

Well world, your calling so its Time to be a big girl, ill brush it off, stand up straight, and continue to restle my big green monster.

<3 Little Michelle