Only Cry Once.

I love to cry, I cry all the time. Crying makes me feel relieved. It solves all my problems. But there is nothing more i hate in the world than appearing weak. When something bad, something that really deserves a cry happens to me, i simply refuse. I hate seeming like i let the world get the best of me. And most of all, I hate letting people know about it .I wear my heart on my sleeve, and everytime i get hurt i want to hit myself for doing it. And when a situation happens, a full deserving cry, i only allow myself to show weakness once, i only let a cry out once, i refuse to let people see that im not okay. I refuse to show people that the girl who always has her shit together isnt okay.Its embarassing to me. Im pretending like im okay, please dont interupt my performance alright?

Today, it happened, the inevitable, the thing that we all saw coming. The thing i had been waiting for, fighting against, but eventually would come, happend. He ended things with me. I was so hurt, i wanted to throw away the rest of the day sit in my room and cry. But i refuse to let the world win, i sat down on my floor, i told my mom, and i cried, i cried once. and only once. and after that, i was okay. I pulled myself together, and i didnt pity myself. I was even laughing. But then the unexpected happened, something i didnt see coming.

One of my very best friends told me she didnt want to be my friend anymore, i was a bitch, i treat her like shit. Do you know how hard it is to sit back and take that from someone who you have been friends with for almost three years now? ill fill you in... incredibly hard. unbearbly hard. I cried once, tried to pull myself together, and i almost did. Until my other friend texting me telling me, i cant always fool the world. I cant always pretend like nothing effects me and i dont have a heart. I have to care, i have to show my emotions and its okay to not always be happy. i am human after all. So now here i sit, and im crying, and im crying a lot. And you know what? for now its okay for me to be sad, it almost feels good to cry, but tomorrow. tomorrow, im tough, strong, happy, and up on my feet. no one brings me down. and if they do they wont know it. :)

My heart is just so tired.

xoxo michelle