So here you have it, the ever so popular question everyone seems to want to know. "do you like me/ have feelings for me/ have a crush on me?" Any way you put it, there all asking the same question and its one of the most intimidating things that i ever have to deal with. Normally expressing how I feel is not that hard for me after given it some time and gathering of my thoughts, this question, unless previously pondered stumps me every time. What is like anyway? webster defines it as to feel an attraction to, or pleasure towards. Yahoo answers says it means to have feelings for someone.
Am i physically attracted to this guy? yea sure he is cute, but he is no brad pitt but nothing that would prevent me from "liking him"
Do i have a feeling of pleasure? Does my jumping from him rubbing up and down my leg in the movie theater count as pleasure? If so then yea sure i guess there is " pleasure " just fine.
Do i have feelings for him? well what kinda feelings ? am i attached to him? no not at all but then again i never have been really attached to anyone except for friends, never any boyfriends. But i do have feelings of happyness towards him. I mean he makes me laugh.. thats a plus right?
So if i answered yes to all of those. The answer has to got to be simple right? I must like him. Except for heres the catch, im still not so convienced that i do. As previously stated he is fun to be around, and things arent so very awkward and he certainly is a shmoozer and makes me laugh. But he is also completely girl obsessed, way to sexually driven, we have nothing in common, and i have no desire to constantly check my phone to see if he texted me, or worry that he forgot to text me back or wonder when we will hang out next. To be honest im not sure if i want to hang out with him all the time at all. Sure every once and awhile would be fun but lets not make a habit out of it type of thing. And while we have the physical down, what about the emotional, i cant until now recall us ever talking about anything more serious then the latest sports game or when my dance class was over, a relationship cant be based on that right?
Take all that confusion and then lets just throw in another boy to spice up the mixture. You remember my best friend? The guy i swore i would never like? Well what if he is the one i like? What happens then? What if i have fallen for the skimpy ginger kid who lives in ohio? Well damn that complicates things.
But what if im just scared? Scared of being hurt again, scared of moving on to someone new, scared of what people will think, scared of my inexperiance or the level of awkwardness. Maybe even though i think i want to be in a relationship maybe my heart simply isnt ready to be put through the ringer again. Maybe even though im dying to be in a relationship and i want someone to think im special, im just not ready. Or maybe i never will be, maybe relationships arent for me in high school maybe i really do get bored to easily.
Then again what if im just making excuses...because i dont like him. Or maybe im making excuses because i do and im scared that i do.
So when he asked me... " do you have feelings for me?"
All i could say was " its complicated"
now here he is waiting patiently for me to come up with some sort of explanation as to why its o-so-complicated.
and i cant really just say. i like you, but i just cant date you, without making me sound like a complete tease now can i?
And thats when i get dizzy.
I like you, but its complicated. </3
...michelle.
No comments:
Post a Comment