It has been quite sometime since I have posted anything, and that simply because well. There hasnt been anything to dramatic or horrible to tell about. Life has been pretty chill, and that makes me happy. Im really trying to concentrate hard on just cutting loose, and not sweating the small stuff. I think if i can manage to do that I will have a really good senior year, and that is all I have ever wanted. So basically you might have noticed that I vent about ever extreme feeling on here. Everything that I am feeling at the time put in a way that is not sugar coated and completely honest. So while my life may be pretty chill, and grand right now I am going to take this time to fill you in on a few "struggles" that are still getting under my skin.
For one there is drivers ed. It is the most completely pointless and stupidest set of learning materials that I have ever had my hands on. I guess the worst part about it is the fact that I am honestly doing it for no point whatsoever. Im seventeen which means that legally I can take my test without putting up with this bullshit that is drivers ed. Also, because I am taking this "fantastic " course online it is saving my parents 0 dollars in insurance. Yes you heard me, zero dollars. Our insurance company does not allow drivers ed to be done online for the sake of saving money on insurance. So in all honesty, im doing this for absoltely no reason. And thats really really pissing me off.
Speaking of drivers ed, i have never been more nervous for a test in my entire life. I might as well be shaking in my boots. I have never had official training in a car with a driving instructor and so im so scared that that might set me back on the test. Also there is parking, parking makes me so nervous i think i might puke. I hope I can pass, and im mostly worried about passing because if I dont, that will probably be the single most humiliating moment of my entire life. Yea no, it will be.
Fun Fact: I think i have decided to name my car Margo, I read this book called paper towns by john green and i feel in love with the character of Margo and so I thought she was a good representation of what my car makes me think of. Mysterious, Adventurous, Puzziling And now i just seem retarded so im going to stop talking.
For those of you wondering about the boy, things are still at a standstill. We barely talk and when we do , the most I get is a few word responses. So i guess you could say my motivation is deterorating. The thing that kills me the most is that i used to mean the world to him and now he seems okay with just driffting away from me. And that hurts , that hurts worse than almost anything because its like i am seeing the closeness we had literally deteriorate in front of my eyes. And there is absolutly nothing that I can do to stop it, or even slow it down. I may have won many battles with him, but I was never intended to win the war.
In all honesty, I just get lonely, when it seems like everyone around you has that special someone, and your just left in the dust its hard not to feel so alone. Then i Just stop and realize that im not really lonley and its not that no one wants me or that im not good enough. Its simply because im so damn sexy that i intimidate the hell out of everyone else. And that is really just all there is to it. Haha , no but really, i just need someone to talk to, do you know how long it has been since i eas able to flirt with someone? Like longer than the time is takes for grass to grow, get cut and grow again. and thats a crazy long time.
I have been asked to set a piece on a proffesional company by one of my teachers at my dance school. it took me forever to convince myself that I was capable and strong enough to do it . Im planning on doing a piece to a song called youth .Its basically just about how eventually everyone gets effected by a heart brake. and its almost possible to avoid your first one. I find that first heartbreaks are almost always the hardest to get over just because you have never had a feeling so strong. Now I do not clame to have ever experianced true heartbrake, because in all honesty I have never come to the conclusion that I am truley in love. But I do know what it is like to have lost someone you care for deeply. And so i really want to do a piece first representing the extreme innocence and just how dramatic and more grown up you have to become after you loose your first love. Honestly, i have never been more terrified. just working on the chereography makes me so nervous because I want it to be amazing. Im often intimidated by other peoples artwork, constantly compairing myself to theres and wondering why didnt i think of that or why isnt mine good enough?? I can never be completely satisfied with what i have to offer and that really stresses me out.
Well that was long and ramably and probably made absolutely no sense at all. But there was so much I just needed to get out and so i figured i would just mush them all together. So while my life right now is actually really chill, I always have my few complaints lol. MWAH!
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