So by now you know him. You know the guy with the ex and the drunk hooking up. And by now your wondering why I havnt said peace out bitch to his ass and moved on to someone else. Im wondering the same things myself a little bit, but here the deal. I cant. I honestly dont want anyone else right now. Right now he is all i see and I cant help but wonder if there is such a thing as a chance to many. Is the fact that im willing to give him my trust again a sign that im just desperate or that he has some sort of power over me convincing me he wont ever do it again . Im a little shocked and even a bit dissapointed in myself with the fact that I want to forgive him and trust him again and yet im doing it anyways. And in all honesty i dont give a damn. He makes me happy, he makes me happy even just being my best friend. I like him, but if I had to i could supress my feelings and just be his freind simply because i understand him and i like being around him. He makes me feel most comfortable and most like myself almost as much as some of my best friends. I simply want to talk to him all the time and if I dont my day feels as though its lacking something.
However, Im constantly getting the vibe that he simply does not feel the same way that i do about the situstion. I am one who likes to talk out the issues while he is one who simply walks away and says that he cant handle it. Just today i got a text from him saying " Hey we need to talk" Those five little words that can mean life changing or otherwise determental things to any form of relationship . And im scared of the outcome of that phone call. I admit im scared of him saying that its over, and i dont just mean relationship over, i mean over. No contact over. He has threatened that so many times and it terrifies me. I dont do well with dropping people i need to hold on . IM ALWAYS ATTACHED. He is always saying that his only way out, that he doesnt trust himsef around me, he doesnt see himself as a good enough person to have a third chance with me. And if im honest, i dont trust him yet, I just dont he is going to have to build it up again and learn some real self discipline which i think he has finally realized. He has said to me that he needs to really fix himself as a person and anaylize if he is the kinda person who does things like that. And thats something i can respect. I just hope that that doesnt cut me out of his life completely. Because there is only so much of that that i could take without him. And so call me that hopeless damsel, because here i am giving him a chance too many and hoping for the best.
So by now you know him. You know the guy with the ex and the drunk hooking up. And by now your wondering why I havnt said peace out bitch to his ass and moved on to someone else. Im wondering the same things myself a little bit, but here the deal. I cant. I honestly dont want anyone else right now. Right now he is all i see and I cant help but wonder if there is such a thing as a chance to many. Is the fact that im willing to give him my trust again a sign that im just desperate or that he has some sort of power over me convincing me he wont ever do it again . Im a little shocked and even a bit dissapointed in myself with the fact that I want to forgive him and trust him again and yet im doing it anyways. And in all honesty i dont give a damn. He makes me happy, he makes me happy even just being my best friend. I like him, but if I had to i could supress my feelings and just be his freind simply because i understand him and i like being around him. He makes me feel most comfortable and most like myself almost as much as some of my best friends. I simply want to talk to him all the time and if I dont my day feels as though its lacking something. 
However, Im constantly getting the vibe that he simply does not feel the same way that i do about the situstion. I am one who likes to talk out the issues while he is one who simply walks away and says that he cant handle it. Just today i got a text from him saying " Hey we need to talk" Those five little words that can mean life changing or otherwise determental things to any form of relationship . And im scared of the outcome of that phone call. I admit im scared of him saying that its over, and i dont just mean relationship over, i mean over. No contact over. He has threatened that so many times and it terrifies me. I dont do well with dropping people i need to hold on . IM ALWAYS ATTACHED. He is always saying that his only way out, that he doesnt trust himsef around me, he doesnt see himself as a good enough person to have a third chance with me. And if im honest, i dont trust him yet, I just dont he is going to have to build it up again and learn some real self discipline which i think he has finally realized. He has said to me that he needs to really fix himself as a person and anaylize if he is the kinda person who does things like that. And thats something i can respect. I just hope that that doesnt cut me out of his life completely. Because there is only so much of that that i could take without him. And so call me that hopeless damsel, because here i am giving him a chance too many and hoping for the best.
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