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| " I dare you to let me be your one and only, promise im worthy to hold in your arms" |
Its been awhile, and Alot has happened. SHOCKER, there was a boy. I guarentee he was different. I never felt the way I have felt about someone the way i felt when i was around him. It wasnt awkward, i could literally tell him anything, it didnt feel forced or uncomfortable.Anytime i was with him,i was always laughing, he probably was the nicest guy i have ever liked and yet he had this way to make me feel like i was the sexiest girl in the world. I would literally count down the days till i could see him, he would call me every night. it was.awesome.People warned me he doesnt do relationships . But i was stupid, and i let him get to me, something i never let myself do. and when he ended it, just like all the boys in my life end up doing, I took it really hard.
I didnt see it coming, it was out of nowhere, i was unprepared.
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| " Im not fine, Im in pain, Its harder everyday, maybe were better off this way, its better that we break" |
He was scared of relationships, i could understand that. He wanted to end it before things got to serious and we would hurt each other anymore, i could understand that. Just because i could understand it, doesnt mean i agree with it. I have never once fought for a guy more than the fight i put up just for him. I have never been the girl to sit on her floor and listen to adele and cry poor me. I have never even concidered taking a guy back after he ends things, but with him i would have just about done anything to be with him. So i was torn up, but hey it was all about me and my friends now right? They were there for me. Except one of my best girlfriends, is his bestgirlfriends.
.....Ouch
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| " but go on and take it all, with you, dont look back, at this crumbling fool, just take it all with my love" |
Basically it didnt take to much time for me to end up looking like an idiot. He switched lunch tables, i seemed like a crazy emotional fool, and im currently in the proccess of loosing one of my bestfriends over this. She eventually took his side. I was crazy, I was bashing him on twitter, I was the bitch. And although none of that was true, it didnt take to long for her to believe it. And so now everything i say is taken the wrong way, and im terrified that our friendship group is being torn apart. Honestly, im beating myself up inside over just how stupid i let myself be.
Did i really think things were gunna be different for me with him?
Did i really think i was special?
Am i really that concided that i thought a fight would bring him back?
Honestly how much hope and confidence did i have to think that he didnt really mean it, it wasnt really over?
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| " Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger." |
All of this happend in the span of about a month, A month, thats all it took for me to like a guy hopelessly, lose him, confide in one of my best friends, lose her, and now honestly i feel alone. Of course i have other people on my side that have been supporting me through this but i have never felt less independent or stupid. Yesterday i came to reality.
1.) He does not feel for me the way i feel for him, he is done, forever
2.) I may still have feelings for him now, but i am done putting up with this and being treated like the bad guy
3.) I am stronger than this, I have other friends, and I am better than this.
4.) One day me and him will be friends again but for now its too soon for him, he needs his time
5.) I am better, I am stronger, and I am going to be okay..
xoxo, Michelle
